As I've said from the start, I won't comment too much on your new drafts, not wanting to interrupt your flow. But I've got to be truthful and saying I'm not having much problem, because I think your work is so very good. Keep on keeping on, and, if there's any advice at all, it's this:
1. Keep us firmly grounded -- as you have so far -- in the contemporary world, in your mc's (main character) point of view and history. It's extremely effective when introducing these fantasy elements.
2. Consider reading your dialogue aloud in order to get a better sense of punctuation. This is a small matter, since your dialogue is very strong -- but you need to figure out where the commas should go (where the pauses are). Don't worry about what's already written. At some point I'll send you a line edit to give you an idea what I'm talking about, but for now just keep it in mind as you keep moving forward.
3. I love Frank. :-)
The Felix chapter is well done and fascinating -- I like the owl very much. It will be interesting to see how it fits into future work.
All the best --
K.
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